here i am at 6 months, and i'm just going to tell you right now: i don't love this pregnancy. do i think it's a totally magical time? absolutely. do i love my body more than i ever have? you bet. i would wear a bikini to the beach, today, right now. pregnancy gives me a strange confidence. not to say i don't have days where i feel like nothing looks good on me and pout in my underwear in my closet as i stare at my clothes. but i get that pregnancy is a powerful, amazing, and nothing to take for granted. it's a blessing i don't deserve.
the first time around, i was one of those odd pregnant women that loved being pregnant. LOVED it. even at the end. i don't hate it this time, but i'm definitely understanding the other side of the argument. i'm getting all those other things that they warn you about: terrible indigestion, leg cramps, sciatica (my only complaint last time), peeing an ounce every 20 minutes, allergies out of nowhere (yeah! they don't tell you about that! did you know some people actually have to give away their pets for a while because they develop horrible allergic reactions to their own animals?! it happens!).
i'm also generally pretty mellow during pregnancy. i get a little sensitive weepy in the beginning, but overall i'm even-tempered. people were amazed by it during my first pregnancy. but this time, even with all that mellow-ness, i've found that i've developed a few "hot button" issues. so because social media ranting is frowned upon, i'll share them here:
1. bad customer service...i.e. anything less than outstanding customer service. i don't know if it's because i'm pregnant with a toddler, or if i've been in fairhope so long that i've developed some sort of entitlement, but i will not accept anything less than great customer service. coming from several jobs where i had to bend over backwards to make customers happy, i don't understand management that doesn't enforce the same things with it's customers. it's been proven as the #1 driving force behind customer loyalty. i've written letters, asked for managers, all of that. if i get bad service somewhere, and if for some reason you decide to bag my groceries in plastic before asking me my bag preference, i swear i will pack my shiznay and not come back to your store unless it's carrying a giant attitude. and i might write a letter.
if you see a pregnant woman with a 2 year old up in your store, you better give her good service!!!
2. the mom comparison game. oooooh this one burns me right up. especially the stay-at-home vs working mom comparison. hey! guess what?! i've done both and THEY ARE BOTH HARD. if you are a mom at all--if you have a child under your care, no matter how many, you deserve more than one day of obligated thanks. you've done hard things. you'll do more hard things. and for being such a wonderful country, our government's parent policies just plain suck. we deserve more.
but if you're a working mom, don't you dare make a stay-at-home mom feel like she's got it easy just because she doesn't have to work around her work schedule to meet the demands of her children. stay-at-home moms have no personal schedule because they're always meeting the demands of their children.
and if you're a stay-at-home mom, don't you dare make a working mom feel like she has it easy because she can't give herself to her children 24/7. or because she gets to have adult conversation and real thoughts and eat lunch in peace every day. because she'd trade it in an instant to have more vacation days to spend with her children. to not feel like she's paying someone else to raise her children.
and if you're a work-at-home mom, don't you dare make either of the above feel like somehow they're less because they can't do both. because when you work from home, you're neither fully employed or fully a mom. it's a constant battle and you constantly have to choose between your work and your kids. you hear yourself say "not now, mama's busy" way too many times, and chances are your boss/clients don't understand the days when you have to throw your hands up and accept that no work is getting done that day because your kid will simply not have it.
there's no magical answer. no easy way to be a mom. what all moms need is more mom support. end of story.
rant conclusion
************
part II (since i piece these things together during several different writing sessions):
today i woke up and, for some reason, at nearly 7 months into this, i realized my daughter's days of being an only child are soon ending. they're dwindling. and soon i will say goodbye to my days as a mother of one. i have a very short time to make it count with her.
this time has gone by so fast. partly because, well--she's only two. but also because it just does!
it has made me grateful for the decisions i have made as a parent not to be pressured into anything before i was ready, despite the opinion of others. "the days are long but the years are short." isn't that what they say? so true.
if there's anything i'd say to a first-time mom about parenting, i'd say: no matter how you choose to parent, do it because it's how YOU want to do it. not anyone else around you. consult your significant other before anyone else. parent together. make the decision together. as long as you're agreed, you can discuss the matters with others, but don't bring outsiders (no matter how close you are) into the decision-making process. because, you know what? times are different. situations are different. children are different. YOU are different. do what you think is best. when YOU are ready. how YOU want to do it. (just, for the love of pete, don't break any laws like putting your 10 month old in a forward-facing carseat.)
i'm glad i didn't wean before we were ready, send my daughter packing for the weekend before WE were ready, or do anything else that made me uncomfortable. because in the grand scheme of things, she received nutrition and comfort from me for 22 short months. she spent every night within earshot of us for 2 tiny years. we learned the hard way through night terrors what an off-schedule or overtired baby can get you. so all that schedule worry that people say is crazy, because "it's impossible to keep a baby on a schedule" paid off because we've only had one repeat, and i don't care for any more.
maybe you're the opposite kind of parent, and hey, cool. i'm glad that works for you. i'm glad you found what works. that's all we can ever hope for--something that works in this wild and crazy ride.
now for those that didn't come for unsolicited parenting advice from an unqualified parent of one, here's a few fun current pregnancy facts:
-- cravings: fruit, asian noodle bowls (like pho and real ramen and coconut soup), and fish tacos--this may be because i'm having a summer baby this time and "comfort foods" just make me uncomfortable
-- weight gain: somewhere around 18lbs, but it fluctuates depending on how bad my indigestion is
-- names: we have a few we like (a top 5 list maybe?) and we aren't sharing. sorry. mostly because this all depends on who this baby is and what he or she looks like to us upon arrival! it could all change!
-- still have a belly button
-- i'm now big enough for june to identify the "baby", and she always wants to show it to people bare naked (as if they can't tell through my clothing). i also think she thinks that access to the baby is through my belly button ;) she sometimes digs in it like she wants to open it and peek inside. but to answer a very popular question: no, she's 2, and she doesn't understand that we're having an actual baby so i don't know how she feels about it
-- my fundal height, aka the size of my uterus is right on track (june was the same)
-- baby doesn't kick so much as just do strange movements and bladder punches--i don't feel feet or hands poking out; with june i almost always knew where her feet were, which is funny because even to this day she will dig her feet into the person closest, and always has to have them free
-- my hair and nails don't feel or look as mega-healthy as they did last pregnancy
-- we are not "doing" a nursery and we don't really have colors; we plan to move june from her toddler bed (the convertible crib) to a legit twin bed, and then we plan to room share when the baby is sleeping through the night....assuming june is sleeping through the night then, too (please, please God, please). yes i'm a designer, but i'm also a realist and a minimalist. right now we only need a bassinet since i'm breastfeeding and need baby close for a while.
-- still doing yoga, still love it. i'll probably continue after pregnancy. i think sciatica will probably be the major complaint in all of my pregnancies, especially towards the end, but most sources claim that it will set in sooner on your second pregnancy. mine actually came later, and i credit that to being more active this pregnancy
-- labor is my biggest fear. not the pain, and not the possibilities of emergencies, but just that it will be long and that the staff will be foreign and unsupportive. that i won't be respected as the mother going through the experience of childbirth, and even though baby's safety is priority, i still matter. my wishes still count. i'm working and praying on peace in this matter, but i'm also doing more to prepare this time around. and i'll take your prayers in this arena as well!
that's it! i honestly don't know if i'll make it to another post before baby--this one was worked on in bits and pieces for months. oh, the luxury of time before children!!
so wish us luck and send us prayers for a smooth and quick delivery! the hospital is 25-30min away and i'm staying home much longer with this one so just pray jeremy doesn't have to deliver the baby ;)
