home

welcome to historic pensacola. and welcome to my new home!

for a while the future mister and i (nine more days!) tried to find a house to buy. after a year of emotionally exhausting let-downs, we knew we needed some place to live when we got married. and low and behold (thanks to a friend/neighbor) we found this place to rent. the price is great. the neighborhood is great. it is perfect for what we need. 

let me introduce you to some of my favorite things about it:

the original 15-pane front door. with nautical lights. 

a big front porch. a perfect front porch facing south, with a porch swing (a wedding gift from the hub's work).

a gas fireplace! something weird is going on with the flue, but we're willing to pay a chimney sweep to come out and take a look at it and get it working so we can curl up on the cold nights (all 30 of them).

glass door knobs

there's even a one single milk glass door knob on the guest bath closet. it's my favorite.

original hexagon ceramic tile in the bath (i've spent a lot of time cleaning the cat pee smell out of this tile--think i finally got it out).

beautiful, and mostly in good shape original 2" oak plank floors

wide mouldings

clever little storage spots, like this built-in in the eat-in kitchen (i apologize for my clutter showing--not everything has found it's place quite yet)

gas stove. with this one thing, i am a happy HAPPY woman. i am a total natural gas snob.

full use of storage space! no kitchen cabinets that stop short and gather dust. i'm telling you, the old architects knew how to do it best--why these new guys ever thought to change things up i'll never know.

original cast-iron pedestal sink

original-looking light fixture (i don't know if it is or not, but i'll pretend it is)

and there ya have it! once everything gets in order i'll start posting pics of the spaces as they're planned out. considering our budget (or lack thereof) that might take some time. hoping the wedding money will help with that. the guest room is what i'm most excited about. 

i'm settling in quite nicely. a few nights ago i had some creepy dreams and trouble sleeping, but some sweet sweet friends of ours agreed to come over after we had dinner and pray over the house with us and anoint the door ways. it was such a blessing. that night i slept well, with no bad dreams and a smile on my face. there is one owner of this house and that is God. and he is SO much more powerful than any yucky stuff. for that i am so thankful. and that part is definitely my favorite feature!

"for i know the plans i have for you" says the Lord

you hear the phrase "stepping out in faith" so many times.  but you never know what that actually feels like until you do it.  i heard a quote this week that said "where your comfort zone ends is where your life begins," which i think, sums it up pretty well: being completely out of your comfort zone, but knowing it can only lead to good things.

God never asks us to do simple things. he never asks us to do easy things. he also never asks us to do things that would seem possible by our own standards. all the memorable stories in the bible are memorable for one reason: God used an unlikely candidate to do something that would otherwise [without God] be impossible. HE MAKES THE IMPOSSIBLE POSSIBLE.

i had consulted God for a long time on a decision, and moved towards the decision i felt like he gave me. but when the constraints of the world came into play, i realized that it was IMPOSSIBLE to do what i felt like he was calling me to do. so i said no, left the dream, and took control of my own life.

but do you know what is SO amazing? although i stopped consulting him, although i did not go to him, he came to me!! he used nearly every method possible to tell me "turn around girl, you had it right the first time."  after a couple of days of complete strangers nearly making me cry with their words of wisdom, i had enough. i don't have enough fingers to count how many ways he used to tell me i had it right all along. far beyond coincidence. much deeper than happenstance.

God gave me the first night of a full 8 hours of sleep in weeks, and i woke up with one thought in my head: do the thing you know you have to do. it is done. and when my sweet, sweet fiance arrived and saw the look of anxiousness on my face, he knew as well. and i, as the future wife God has called me to be, knew the final decision rested in his hands. and you know what he told me? to move forward. to do what we had earlier decided was impossible.

and i did it. meekness is not something that comes easy to me, but i knew that meekness was something that i needed to successfully move on from where i was, to the next chapter of my life. and it just so happens that i have studied meekness not once, but twice in the last month or so. and you know what? i may not have been the prime example of meekness, but i think i did a pretty dang good job. especially for me.

and now, my new life begins.

the fear i had this morning is gone, i have had so much positive encouragement, and i know that things will be ok. no matter what happens.

today i have much to be thankful for. first of all and most importantly i am SO THANKFUL that i have a God and Savior who makes all things POSSIBLE. a God who loves me, has plans for me, and cares for me like a true father. i am humbled beyond belief. i do know know where i would be without him. i cannot imagine a life knowing i would have to make such huge decisions without a divine caretaker to back me up and to make a path for me. a wonderful provider, the most beautiful designer and loving father. what is it that i am, as a person, that i deserve someone who is SO faithful to me, when i am not faithful to him? and the answer is nothing. i have done nothing. it is simply because i am HIS.

i am also thankful that he has provided for me a WONDERFUL husband. people have little faith in marriage these days. i don't assume to be an expert in marriage. and both he and i have witnessed failed marriages. but i cannot think of a better place to start with him than right here, in unison with God and his plans for us.

pray for us, friends. pray that those who doubt us will not plant a seed of fear in our hearts. pray that those who wish us failure would not create a resentment in our marriage. and pray that we continue to seek and RUN after God and the plans he has made for us. because he wishes us good, not harm.

after all, if God is for us, who can be against us??

the world needs more of this guy!

so funny. it cheers me up on dreary days like this.

updates anyone?

i have started at least 2 blogs that still remain in draft-stage. they may never get published. and i just realized it's been a month since my last post, so i suppose for my large reader audience i need some updates.

first of all, 3 weeks from today i become the misses of the best mister i know. so excited! and SO ready to be done with it.



i moved into a new house (pictures to come). it is only a rental. my brain is taking a break from the buyers market for now. buying a house seems like it should be a lot easier than it has been for us. i'm just going to wait on God and let him decide when the time is best. until then we found a great little rental. it's in a great neighborhood (with friends right down the street!), it's close to everything, and the best part is it's old! how i love an old house. and it's walking/biking distance to all of our necessities. when the mister moves in he can walk to work. we are also a 10 minutes walk to the bay and a great little breakfast place with beautiful bay views.

life is good. i just wish we were married already! my least favorite part is when the mister has to go home at night and leaves me in that big old (half unpacked with boxes everywhere) house. i'm ready to share it!

also tonight is the gala for soco marketplace, a hosting website created by some folks i know, created to host companies that give back to the community. and my very own mission type co will be a part of it! i'm so excited. it will be a crucial part to some very big changes coming up for me! and i'm so glad to see soco get off the ground and running. i know it will be great, even if i don't get anything out of it.

i'm a little teapot

in my recent trip to fairhope, alabama, i ran into my favorite antique store after lunch and saw this teapot. it wasn't even priced yet, but i bought it immediately. the teapot fits neatly inside a big teacup! which is speculated to be used either to drink from or to put a tad of boiling water in to keep your tea hot. who knows? all i know is i like it. and it's auburn orange, so i nestled it among the rest of my auburn memorabilia, just in time for football season.

it cheered me up.

another thing that cheers me up: puppies.

here's a couple of things about me:

1. i love weiner dogs. LOVE them. they're my fav and i've always grown up with them

2. i hate pet stores that sell dogs. HATE them. because they usually come from puppy mills and are severly inbred and severly unhealthy. and, come on, they spend their puppyhood in crates and cages. not cool. for this reason i normally boycot pet stores with puppies.

3. i live next door to one of these particular pet stores. and i only go in it because i have a friend who is the caretaker for the puppies. and because i know and trust her, trust the treatment of these puppies only enough that i will go in and i will look at them. occassionally i still get sad, but it is my guilty pleasure.

so the other day i ran in for dog food and this little girl was staring me in the face from the minute i came inside. i darted to the puppies, cooed and baby-talked and made weird faces at her until an associate came up to me and asked if i wanted to play with her. i think i just squeaked. the husband-to-be interpreted for me and said "yes."

so we played with her. she was adorable and not-so-inbred-looking. she was also really hyper. i loved her for a brief moment in time. then we found out she was $1200. what are these people thinking?! then i had to end my love affair and walked away sad. but it was fun while it lasted.

side note: DO NOT pay this much for a weiner dog. i got mine for $200 and she grew up roaming green pastures, until i took her home and she was mine. my other one i also got for $200. except she came from a meth house and i adopter her through a rescue agency. so i can't help where she came from, but i can help where she is now. they are the best dogs ever and they cheer me up just as much as a tiny puppy.

tell me about it

i stumbled upon this today:

¹³ Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” ¹⁴ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. ¹⁵ Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” ¹⁶ As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. ¹⁷ If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.

James 4:13-17

tell me about it. we spend our whole lives...planning our whole lives. and it. is. exhausting. i'm taking a break.

american dreamers

some of you may recall a house that i was in contract for since april (short sale...NOT short)

2 weeks ago the bank accepted my offer. i was ecstatic. the back-and-forth i had in my head about my future was finally ironing itself out. pensacola it is!

yesterday i found out that the seller had some financial information that he did not disclose to the bank, and therefore they will not do a short sale. meaning i don't get the house.

when i started house hunting nearly a year ago it was just for kicks. i was tired of apartment living and interest rates were low--why not? then i got engaged. and now it's 2 months until my wedding. it wasn't long before home ownership became much more than just a place to own.

i began filling this "house" with future memories--early mornings with a baby on a blanket in the grass while i spend time in our vegetable garden. building a chicken coop to supply us for the insane amount of eggs we eat (and when i say "we" i really mean my fiance, who eats more eggs in a day than i'd like to in a week). this house would be our home--our place to begin a family.

aside from that, for those of you who don't know, i am an artist at heart. a designer. a creator of beauty where others may not see it. a house is not just a dwelling for me. it is a blank canvas. i had, room by room, gone through color schematics in my head, orchestrating great spaces for living. of course on a small income i wouldn't have the resources to perform all of this at once, so i relished in the opportunity to wake up on saturday morning with a "to-do" list for the home: a masterpiece unfolding one weekend at a time.

i also dream of having a warm home for gatherings. nothing special, but a place where people feel welcome and comfortable and at home. bear with me through the next example: i have a friend who said she thought it was weird that all her son's friends were always pooping in her house (in the bathroom of course, not like animals). then one of the mom's of the friends told her "you should feel honored! people only poop where they are most comfortable--they are at home in your house!" so basically, in so many words, i want a home where people feel comfortable handling their business, if you will. the place where i live now, although decent and clean, is not a place where i bring guests. not only do i take no pride in my apartment unit, but how am i supposed to have people over when there is always a lingering smell of smoke (all kinds) from my neighbor, who sometimes decides he is starting a band (i think he plays the bongos), or the desperate yapping from the dog upstairs who obviously suffers from severe separation anxiety. this is not a home! this is not a gathering place!

all at once, in one phone call, all of these dreams i had fell to pieces. i fear i will have nowhere to live when i get married. i fear i will have to raise our child in an apartment and we will be the newly hated tenants with a baby that cries all night. i fear i will never be able to leave my own personal touch on a space; that i will never be able to create anything out of my dwelling. i fear i will not soon have a place to call home and invite guests to.

when i write it out it seems silly. lots of people raise children in apartments. lots of people rent for a long time. lots of people live within off-white walls. and they have people over in these spaces. and they turn out just fine. but tell that to my heart. tell that to the part of me that so achingly wants a place to call my own. a place that would make my children proud, and when they grow up they'll drive by with their children and say "that's where i grew up!"

a book i started reading challenges the american dream. in so many words you might say it calls the american dream pointless, frivolous, and worth nothing in the kingdom of heaven. i might say he's right. after all, the desires i have to have a family and a home produce within me a sinful reaction of fear, anxiety, and doubt, to mention a few. as james 1 puts it, i am tossed about like the waves of the ocean. i am unsure of my future, of God's path for our lives, and even worse, i doubt my ability to understand at all what God wants of me, and what exactly He was trying to do by stringing me along for nearly a year. i am emotionally exhausted. i feel shame in my heart, because i am standing on the thin line of those, who in anger, blame God. i don't blame him for my disappointment. i just want to know what his goals are. i don't feel like i gained patience, wisdom, or understanding.

but perhaps not enough time has passed for me to be able to see things clearly for what they are. i also came to the conclusion last night that not once in any of these processes or waiting games did i give up any control. when a peace came over me (however short-lived it may have been), i mistook it for a release of control. i was such a fool. we are creatures of misunderstanding, control, and it is hard to give up something to a God we cannot see.

i have mastered nothing in this process. i have learned little. i harbor confusion and chaos in my heart. my faith is wavered. i have no idea what to do next. i don't even know what to ask for. i know that things could be worse. i know that in a grand scale these troubles are minor--some may not even give them the honor of being called troubles. perhaps God is trying to break me of my worldliness, because i will be honest. up until this point i have never thought of myself as a worldly person. i do not love money, cars, or expensive things. but in this one thing, i am attached so deeply. i tell myself (and God): "is it so much to ask for a small house?! just a house with good bones to call my own?!" and God may be laughing at this point. perhaps it is the complete opposite of what he wants, and for this reason i am deaf to his calling. even in this speculation i am unsure. it is only a guess.

at this point everything is just a guess.

i've done it

i started a pinterest. name: dana amos; user name: newhouseenvy

at first i stayed away because 1: i knew it could result in hours of addiction, and 2: i knew i would fill it full of things i wanted for my house (the house i didn't have) and that if i did not end up getting the house, i would have a website full of sad little reminders.

but now things are looking up for the house and i'm taking the risk. plus i need something to distract me from facebook (evil evil social networking).

it's basically amazing. good thing i have a day job and a wedding to plan or else it'd be non-stop. it would surely become a problem.

all that being said, i highly recommend it!

not much longer now

for 2 things:

auburn football and my wedding

here's a picture i snapped really quick while i was waiting in traffic at toomer's corner. our sweet, sweet trees. they are not looking good. needless to say, i hope they make it. i hope by some miracle they beat the odds and prove that hatred never wins.

on another note, here's the reason why i was in auburn. my "little" sister got hitched!

i'm not supposed to put up pictures yet, but only 2 people read my blog so what does it matter?

isn't she pretty (and taller than me)? at one point in my hustle and bustle i ran into the mansion where the reception was held and her and chris were posing for pictures. in this mansion there is a blue and gold room--an elegant navy wallpaper with gold medallions and grandiose gold draperies. chris (the hubby) had on his perfectly tailored grey suit and he was rested against the fireplace. jennifer (my sister) was propped up against an old victorian sofa. i only stopped for a brief second but i will always remember it. it was so beautiful. my little sister all growed up!

an ammendment

to the last post:

i believe that brick should actually say "live the dream. make it happen where you are."

i love pensacola. i really do. i have more invested in it than i like to believe. our lives (by our i mean mine and my fiance's) have been at somewhat of a crossroads lately. do we chose what's best for our future or what's best for now? do we chose where the logic is (fairhope) or where the heart is (pensacola)?

the funny thing is, the choice has already been made for us, whether we know what that is or not. i was a fool to believe that somehow God's best intentions for me would lead me into a life of misery and hardship. i was a fool to believe that somehow i could control the outcome of our situation.

his timing his perfect. his ways are good. his plans are for the best.

on a broader spectrum, my church has also been at a crossroads. sunday morning all involved in serving were pulled into a meeting. i sat and listened as my pastor poured his heart out. there were many tears, even from me, a relatively small part of a big picture, only having been a part of the team for a year or so. i wished i could have been serving God like that, as to put my own interests last, and that of God's and the community first.

during service he shared the following video:

Pastor Josh Lipscomb from Liberty Church on Vimeo.

as the opening scene played, my first thoughts were "that's my home. pensacola is my home." for a long time i have known that i am called to pensacola for a reason, and although i may not yet know what that is, several times i have tried to run from that. when my time here is up, i will know.

if you say so

today i went to fairhope, alabama for work (like i do pretty often, at least once a month). recently a job opportunity has arisen that involves relocating to fairhope, which would be a dream i've had ever since the first time i visited that wonderful little town. it's playing with my emotions, as one side of me says "pursuing happiness may not always be pursuing God; happiness is selfishness" and the other says "you can follow God and still follow your dreams." i've been thinking about it non-stop. more than my upcoming wedding or the business i just started, or anything else that far more greatly deserves my attention.

well today, i parallel parked my car, got out, and like i do every time i'm there, walked over and ignored the dedicated bricks which line the sidewalks of downtown fairhope. but on my way back i walked directly over this one, pictured above. i didn't notice or read any others but this one. i actually stopped in my tracks and stared down as the brick almost read itself out loud to me. i got to my trunk to unload my bag and thought "you're being silly, it's just coincidence" so i traced back a few steps to read it again thinking "they probably all have inspirational quotes on them." nope. they don't. most of them just have names. in fact, all that i could see far enough to read were just names.

the problem and the solution is, fairhope is not a well-developed plan i have. it's just a hope. just a dream. i don't place myself much further past walking the streets of downtown on a pleasant afternoon, or enjoying a picnic at the park by the bay. the truth is, fairhope is only where it begins. God can plan the rest, if fairhope is his beginning for me. i'm just hoping for once that my own dreams can align with his.

and, marybeth--i don't know who you are, but i like you.

hopes and dreams

note to readers (all 3 of you): sorry for the lack in posts lately. i have a lot going on in life. and not much of it goes into writing, even though it should.

i've been in a hope-y kind of mood lately. do you ever get in those kinds of moods? what are your hopes and dreams for your life? these are some of mine:

- to have a family that loves the Lord and his good and perfect plan for our lives

- to grow old with my best friend and life partner, jeremy portillo, and to laugh often at our weirdness

- to have as many children as i want, without the worries of money or provisions for them (and i'd like at least one of them to have red hair, although i hope for their sake that they all inherit the hispanic skin from their dad, to avoid the constant worry of sunburn that their mom has)

- to have a beautiful home--not an expensive home or a big home, a beautiful one

- to have a semi-self-sufficient lifestyle, with chickens, a garden, and nearly distant neighbors that have a dairy farm

- for my stationery business to take off, earning me just enough money to live comfortably and having just enough business for me to manage on my own while staying home with my children

- to never again have to work for corporate america. i am just not cut out for it and it will never understand me

- to live near the water, preferably the alabama gulf coast

- to foster lost and abandoned weiner dogs. they are my favorite. i know i should put my love efforts into people, but i love the innocence of dogs and hate cruelty towards animals (yes even cats, although someone else can foster them)

- to have at least one, authentic historically famous chair (the womb chair and the barcelona are at the top of that list)

- to return to italy, the most beautiful and magical place i've ever been

anyway, that's mostly it. for now anyway. i try not to live in the future but sometimes it is just so tempting to think that one day life will be easier, happier, and more carefree. maybe one day...

cut it out

usually i like to create positive, inspirational blog posts. but every now and again i see something that requires the opposite. here's your rare treat:

STOP letting your cats on your kitchen counter and STOP including them in interior photographs because you think it's cute. it's unsanitary and it would make me think twice about coming to your house for dinner knowing a cat could have been on your counter. especially an indoor cat which equals litter box which equals litter box feet which equals disgusting, and i'm not eating at your house.

that is all.

i know you're jealous

i have date with my future mister every wednesday. this past weekend we decided we spent entirely too little time at the paradise that's 15 minutes away. so instead of going out for date night we've decided to save a little and relax a little. here's how it works: i get off work, i go home, pack a dinner in a cooler, and pick up the future mister at his office and we go to the beach and enjoy sunsets like the one above.

great idea.

secondly, i've launched my website!!

here it is!

(no peeking, allison smith. unless you just can't resist. but i couldn't very well send out stationery without a website to reference! yours is on it's way!)

for the first time in my "career" as some form of an artist i have seen the fruits of my labor. and it feels good. when i finally get the margins and the color right and that piece of cardstock comes out of my printer--it's the most exited i've been since finishing one of my story boards in design school (and the much needed sleep that followed). for the first time i feel like i'm on the right path, like i actually know how to bring something creative into the world. i've had a lot of success on paper, but this is the first time i've seen success on...well...paper--but not that kind of "paper", real paper.

yyyyaaaayyyyyy!!! new adventure, here i come!

things lately

my blogging juices have run dry. although my life is not boring or still or uncreative, i just can't think of anything blog worthy. so here's just some minor things that i'll share with you.

1. i've been on the road a lot lately for work (moving into outside sales). i spend a lot of time in alabama, our close neighbor to the west and north, and my home sweet home. this point right here is the favorite part of my drive. for a while i (somewhat illegally) still had my alabama license plate. in february i finally gave in to the law. it's a weird feeling. i feel like a stranger in my own state and sometimes i don't recognize my car for the florida tag.

2. another thing i like about alabama: fairhope. but that's no secret about me. one of the many many reasons is it's antique and consignment stores. i found 2 of these puppies last week and they are priced to steal. i think i need them in my life. but i think my bank account says otherwise...

3. this is where i live. i am truly blessed and half the time i forget that and get on with my complaining. i don't love pensacola, but i can't imagine living anywhere that doesn't have an ocean nearby. it is SUCH a privelege that i take for granted. my flesh wants to get out of this town eventually, but a tiny part of me sees me raising my children at the beach and calling life "wonderful." so anyway, this was the view on our walk to the beach saturday morning. spf45, an hour and a half at the beach, 75% of that time under an umbrella and i still managed to turn pink. ay yay yay, the life of a pale girl. oh well.

4. we have a fine little family owned market in town called apple market that has all kinds of neat things. and if they don't have your neat thing, they'll order it in for you. i don't think the one pictured above was ordered, but it sure is original. i didn't have any because it was 10am and i was there for coffee (didn't need an overdose). but i am bound to try it.

so that's what's new with my life. that and starting my own business on the side. what? huh?

that's right, you heard me. more on that later.

wedding registry item??

i stumbled upon the love sac store when i was in atlanta a few weeks ago. i was on possibility overload. these things are awesome. my favorite part is that you can start out with a simple love seat and buy more when you can afford it. and for all my pet owners, can i get a "woop woop" for removeable washable covers??

for right now i suppose i'll keep my blue tuxedo sofa (maybe it will go in my office), but one of these days i will be a love sac owner.

(they even told my sister to take the cushion off and jump on the frame--didn't budge. hello durability!)

summer rain

i have no symapthy for the northerners having heat strokes right now. it is HOT down here. of course they probably have no symapthy for us when we have a kiniption over 3" of snow, either. so it goes both ways.

we were without rain for a few weeks. not as bad as the drought in some areas (thank goodness), but we were feeling the effects.

and then, one evening, the rain came. when it rains like that you know summer has arrived. one of my favorite things about the gulf coast, next to the pristine beaches, are the summer rains.

every day is a good day for rain in the summer. you can have storms and clear skies all in one day. and i love it. i love the smell of the first big drops hitting the hot pavement, i love the sound of it on a metal roof (my warehouse at work makes a beautiful sound), i love the steam off of the hot ground. i love how traffic slows, people quiet, and nature takes center stage. every time it rains in the summer it's my own personal delight in the Lord and the balance of his creation.

these were the storm clouds that i drove into yesterday morning. and would you believe they were gone as fast as they came? par for the course.

(look waaaayyyy in the distance, you can see the bay!)

it's even raining right now. was rain in my morning weather prediction? nope. but it's always a welcomed surprise.

if only i had the luxury of space

oh, and money. did i mention that? because that's what it would take for that many pairs of fabulous brown shoes. it would be nice.

but what kind of character building would a good closet make? this is what i tell myself, anyway.

brought to you via apartment therapy

a real LOL

LOL is overrated. i mean, really--how many times do you really laugh out loud every time you use LOL??

well this one was a real LOL.

my fiance makes this face all the time and i say to him "i can't wait until we have a child who makes this face and then i can say 'you are your father's child.' "

so, via email (since he couldn't give me the face in real life) he sent me this picture. with those big ol brown eyes, light hair, and big bottom lip, i don't doubt one of our kids really will look like this. and i can't wait :)

once i was an artist

you might guess that my creative juices have come to a slight trickle, but really i've just been directing them elsewhere lately.

i've decided to embark on a new journey in life. before i have material to show you all i will say for now is it involves a sharpie pen, 4x6 cardstock, and the recipient of my mind's eye these past few weeks.

i think the first 5 years out of college must be the most important in life. its where i've learned the most about me, the most about God, and the most about life. i've learned that life isn't a balancing act. just because you escape a bad situation doesn't mean the next one will be rainbows and unicorns. sometimes you just have to make the best of your situation. and sometimes you have to take everything out of the equation except for yourself and God in order to make something work.

i've also learned that it is important to have at least one hour per day devoted to yourself. may sound selfish, but how many of you do that? wouldn't it be easier if between getting ready in the morning and going to work, or between leaving work and coming home you had an hour just to yourself? i think my whole day would be more productive. because then my whole day wouldn't be a constant struggle between doing my duties and taking care of me.

so that's what this new journey is about. getting back in touch with my "me." it's funny how for so long you define yourself as something only to end up years down the road and realizing you have hardly done any of those activities that once defined you. for me that's drawing, painting, anything visually creative. once i was an artist--i'd like to get to know that side of me again.

for now it will only be a side project. profit will not be a goal. but maybe several years down the road (if i should be so lucky to have my own plans align with God's plans for me) i can make it a full-time kind of thing. i can only hope.

right now i'm just excited!

delicious

i work in the tile business. and i'll admit, people generally want the same thing, and they always want it 3 seasons behind it's popularity in the design world.

so naturally, 1x1 glass mosaics are huge right now in my neck of the woods. i'm a little over it, especially when combined with travertine--oh, what a novel idea! not.

but not this puppy.

love it. it looks so essspensive!

i could find plenty of things to do with that.

unreal

all of my childhood i dealt with tornados. spring was always turbulent--nights in the bathtub, sirens going off all night. but eventually, even with the fear that those sirens arouse, you become a little numb to it. of all the warnings i've been through, only one was remotely close to my home. NEVER did i think a storm could do this. not in anything i could imagine. my sweet, sweet state, destroyed.

the scenes across the south remind me of a movie. it's unbelievable. but with the death tolls rising it makes it all the more real. with family and friends scattered all over the south, i am so fortunate not to have anyone that was injured.

i think in situations like this, especially for those affected, it is so important to remember who our God is. He is good and wise and SO loving beyond measure. because of Jesus, and because he took on the weight of our sin, we are no longer punishable for sin and therefore God does not punish, nor does he bring disaster upon his children. there is good in this world and there is evil. God is good. always and only.

please say a prayer for the people affected by this horrible storm. for those who lost their lives, their families, those displaced from their homes, and those still searching for loved ones. because of God there is always hope in tragedy and light in the darkness.

i am not prepared for this

{get ready, because this will probably be cheesy}

"the office" has been more than a tv show to me. first it was just an on-going source of some good laughs. i mean, let's get real here: tv producers have gotten dangerously creative these days. every show is a cliff hanger, to the point where even low-income families think they "need" a dvr. it's crazy. but the office is different--there are a few episodes that make you curious to see the next (like jim and pam's romance, or michael sealing the deal with holly), but in general, every episode is a new situation. just like the old days of "i love lucy"--when tv shows were entertainment, not addictions.

then, when i had an awful job for 2 1/2 miserable years, the office was my escape. it was my alter-reality. when you can envision your environment like a sitcom, it makes things a lot more bearable. not only that, but when other people in my office started getting into "the office" then we had great things to talk about. some light-hearted humor after lunch, hanging around someone's cubicle while you avoided going back to your own desk.

bottom line: humor makes every difficult situation just a little bit better. and who was better at that than steve carell as michael--the naive, inappropriate, distracting boss with a loveable heart. the cast talks like the show will still go on, but who knows what will happen. how does a show thrive without it's main character?

it will be a sad day. i haven't fully prepared myself for this. at least there are always re-runs, which is great about "the office"! you can watch any show and not have to run the whole "last time on the office..." bit. i'm just hoping they still continue pranks on dwight. next to michael's crazy anecdotes, those are my favorite.

the show must go on!

i mostly love this house

which is odd, because it's not exactly my style, but it fits the house. and the cabinets are ikea! can you believe it? check out the full article here. and here's a few snapshots just to spark your curiosity.

this is what made me switch my paint scheme from white walls to cream in the family room of the house i WILL eventually have.

i also LOVE the honeycomb upholstery on the wing back chairs. delicious.

engagement photos are back!

and they. are. awesome!

check them out here, under the photo album section.

thank you, whitney!

eufaula in love

eufaula is a wonderful town. it's the movie sight of sweet home alabama and i can see why. its history is deliciously southern, the lake is peaceful, and it's downtown is home to many great thrift stores and antique shops. if only it weren't such an awful boring drive to get there.

i was there for a family reunion. i think i saw more of eufaula than i did my family.

here's a peek at the weekend:

in case you can't tell, those are real candles!

so then, just outside of dothan, the husband-to-be spotted a cool car dealership with some neato old cars. naturally we had to stop.

and finally, somewhere along 231 we spotted a large controlled burn. it was much bigger in person, i assure you. we pulled over to the side of the road several times to snap a few pics.

after that we continued onto our boring I-10 drive (my boss complains about his frequent drives to tallahassee--now i get it). and then we were home. all-in-all it was a good weekend!

if you don't have to drive on I-10 to get to eufaula, you should go. it's neato.