i have not, in the past year or so, been an exemplary christian. i haven't even been a good one. while i can say it's because of this reason or that, i've had to face some very harsh truths lately.
i don't think i reached a point where i stopped believing in God. there are things in this world that connect you to our creator whether you seek him or not, like giving birth, digging in the dirt, watching water rhythmically slap onto sand. or watching your friends walk unimaginably hard roads only to see their faith deepen. that could only happen in a world where God exists.
but then there are things that exist in this world that are evident of a complete godlessness. not by the non-existence of God in the world, but the non-existence of God in people. from the off-hand comment of a lady climbing into her mercedes in the target parking lot, to the news that comes out of mobile, alabama and the surrounding areas night after night, and the good-intentioned facebook videos that call our attention to the evils of the world. i don't know if i'm broken or if i have godlessness in me, but when i see those things, it doesn't sound like a call to action. it only breaks my heart. and each time that happens it heals with more hardness.
so here i've been, left in this limbo of good versus bad, and what that means for my purpose here on earth. do i have one? am i just drifting by? am i deaf to God's voice? is He angry with me? sad? hopeless?
people say that when they have a child, it is the closest they've ever come to feeling God-like love. and while that was true of the first few mindless weeks after having my daughter, it quickly faded. as my love for her grew, so did my fear of the world.
i am no stranger to tragedy, not unlike many of you. my father died suddenly when i was 18. and even though his death brought about a strange peace to my world, it from then on made me acutely aware of tragedy in the world. it opened my heart to fear.
i was not angry with God when my father died. in fact, i'd say i understood him more. it was the first time i really understand that there was a great orchestrated existence of life on earth, and i understood what it meant to know that God was all-seeing. kind of like me saying "ok, i see you seeing me, and i know you're up to something."
so when my daughter was born and my love for her grew into something i didn't know i was capable of feeling, i didn't think "wow, and God loves me even more than this!" instead i felt small, and lost, and vulnerable. i don't understand a love bigger than that. and because i love my daughter, i want to protect her from the godlessness in people's hearts for as long as she lives and as long as i am able. and therefore, surely, God would want to protect us from bad things, too, right? but bad things still happen. they happen all the time.
the first night i spent with our infant daughter in our home, i lay awake in bed while she and my husband slept beside me and i cried while wondering what kinds of tragedy lay before us. when others are faced with tragedy and hardship i always pray "Lord, give them a beautiful testimony from this," and that's what i want to pray for our family. sometimes i utter the phrase painfully and fearfully, all the while really just begging God to spare us of tragedy. i sometimes think "people have made it through to the end of their lives without tragedy--it happens all the time, so it can happen to us." but then i think, i don't really know the whole truth of people's lives. just like most people don't know the whole truth of mine. you never know what tragedies people have seen.
some days i think i am making it past this fear. just as i have gone on to continue a beautiful life after tragedy, so i could do it again, if faced with it. and other days, i find myself in shameful distrust of God, the same shame felt by adam and eve when they failed to trust God in the garden. the more we distrust God, and the more we try and do it ourselves, the more open to sin we become, thus creating our own tragedy. i'll say it again:
the more we distrust God, and the more we try and do it ourselves, the more open to sin we become, thus creating our own tragedy.
don't hear me wrong: tragedy is not always our own fault. the truest, scariest forms of tragedy are no one's fault at all. and i truly believe God carried me through my tragedy when he wasn't even as big as an afterthought in my life. so then why is it so hard to know he wouldn't do it again?
trusting God is by far and without a doubt the most terrifyingly difficult thing to do. especially when it comes to our own lives. i watch God carry people through dark days all the time. and i watch as people grow in faith and trust for God and i am in awe. complete awe.
in the midst of the protective hardness i have created in my heart lies a core that deeply distrusts human nature even more. when i try and shift the blame from myself for my distance with God, that blame always falls on people. "this church abandoned us when we were struggling, that church hurt my friends, that lady ignored me when i was new, those people judge me based on my looks, these people are hypocrites, that person is the worst christian i have ever witnessed..."
but lately, God has used people to remind me of who He is. people have reminded me to see truth.
while i have seen sin first in the world, i am reminded that goodness exists in people. goodness that comes from loving. and trusting. and worshiping. and believing in a God that loves. and a God that saves. and a God that heals.
a God that shines out of the ugliness of a godless world, through the hearts of God-filled people.
on my darkest days, when i am tempted to return to a godless lifestyle, i witness people being more beautiful than i ever thought possible. it is then that i know i could never truly turn my heart from God. because i may carry hurts and fears and ugliness in my heart. but i also carry God. a light brighter than any darkness. and i know He is still working on me even when i give up. i can rebuild walls a thousand times. but a thousand and one times he will knock them down.
to my friends (i hope you know who you are): i love you and i am eternally grateful that you chose God to remind me of why i did the same
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Thursday, February 6, 2014
dear pottery barn
This is the letter I just wrote to Pottery Barn. I even used capital letters. It's that serious.
Good evening,
As I've found no way of leaving feedback on your website, I hope that this is an effective form of communication.
I have been a fan of Pottery Barn for a long time. I highly regard it's quality, integrity, and design. As a designer, I've recommended it to friends, family, and clients alike. I'm even currently helping my mom pick out a sofa.
However, I've found the customer service at the Eastern Shore Center in Alabama to be extremely disappointing--something I've never experienced or expected from Pottery Barn.
I just relocated to Fairhope, Alabama for my husband's job. We are a younger couple, and let's just say that we have some time to go before we can afford Pottery Barn to outfit our entire house. Even so, I know it's quality and decided that I wanted (without a doubt) the Cameron drapes for my breakfast area. So into the Pottery Barn at Eastern Shore I went.
Two older women walked in the store right before me. They were instantly greeted and assisted. I walked in with a baby on my hip and received not even a hello. The particular drapery panels I wanted were not on display so I wandered around for a while and could find no one to help me. Eventually I had to stand in line at the check-out counter and wait for two people to check out in front of me before I was able to ask for help.
After some assistance, I took home two different panels to see which one looked better. When I came in the store, the panels had 15% off sale signs up, and the associate who helped me (Maryann) told me to make sure and come back before closing to make my final purchase because it was the last day of the sale.
So I went home, hung up the two different panels, made a choice, came back to the store, and after being tossed around between associates, finally landed up front with the manager, Jeremy, who executed the return of my unwanted panel. Only someone did not relay the full intent of my visit, I suppose, because he just stood there after the one panel was returned, ignoring the fact that I was still standing there. Finally, I piped in that I needed 3 more panels. His mannerisms up until this point were less than friendly. But I gave him the benefit of the doubt. It was, after all, the end of the day.
He then informed me that the panels were not on sale, against what Maryann had previously told me and was indicated by the signs. His only reasoning for this was "oh well I guess we took down the signs late this morning." With all due respect, that is not my fault. That's false advertising, and should not fall on the disadvantage of the customer. If anything (because it was only 15% and I really didn't care all that much), he should have at least apologized for the false information, and that I drove all the way back to the store on the same day (with a baby, which I can assure you is no easy task) for nothing.
There were other exchanges between Jeremy and I that I thought he handled in a very poor fashion, but this is already turning into somewhat of novel, so I'll briefly say after I left that I wondered how he came into a position of management.
Back to these curtains--I had to order them (because they were out of stock) and they came in this week. Today, after a long day, I went in to pick them up. Surprisingly, I was greeted by the woman behind the desk, and I walked up and began to tell her that I was there to pick up some curtains I ordered. Here's what frustrated me the most so far about my treatment by the Pottery Barn staff: she cut me off mid-sentence, and in a less-than-friendly tone told me she'd be with me momentarily.
Let me say that before I worked as a designer, I worked in several positions where customer service was key. Interior design in itself is not only a field of design and human science, but also it is in a great deal customer service. I don't take that lightly. And if you are behind a desk, you are automatically the "manager of first impressions." You are there to assist, no matter how you became to be standing behind the desk. I wasn't on the phone with her, and she was not with another customer (at least there was no one else around). It is absolutely unacceptable to cut-off a customer mid-sentence.
I have never once played the designer card while shopping in home decor stores. I don't pass off a "I know more than you" attitude, and I love to bounce ideas off the staff of places like Pottery Barn because I know they have an eye for design as well. I look younger than I am, I dress simply, and yes, I came in with a baby on my hip (and in both our defenses I do not take her in stores if she is ill-mannered, she was nothing but pleasant the entire time; in fact, she received more attention than I did). I can see how to a Pottery Barn employee in wealthy Baldwin County, Alabama would not see me as a prime target for dropping thousands of dollars in-store. And they would be right. But I was there to spend money. And even if I wasn't, there is absolutely no reason I should have been treated the way I have been treated in that store. That stands for all who come through those doors. Even if a teenager comes in wearing jeans and a t-shirt, she deserves as much respect as anyone else (as long as she is respectful in return). Because you know what? She might go to college for interior design, graduate, work for several well-known designers, branch off on her own, and then walk into a Pottery Barn with a baby on her hip as a young designer who works from home to make ends meet while spending time with her family. Impressions should never be taken lightly, because you never know upon whom your impressions are falling.
You should know--whoever you are reading this--that I have not ever once (and I've had my fair share of bad customer service, just like anyone else) written in a complaint letter to anywhere. This is my first. Because my experience was that bad.
I brought home my Cameron 84" white pole pocket drapery panels, I will hang them up, and I will never go back into that Pottery Barn to spend money. Or likely another one for a very long time. So I don't want coupons, freebies, or even an apology. I want someone with some sort of knowledge on human decency and customer service to go into the Pottery Barn at the Eastern Shore Center in Alabama and give every one of those employees, from the manager onward, a full-course, day long lesson on how to treat customers.
Respectfully and with sincere hope of an impact,
Dana Portillo
Good evening,
As I've found no way of leaving feedback on your website, I hope that this is an effective form of communication.
I have been a fan of Pottery Barn for a long time. I highly regard it's quality, integrity, and design. As a designer, I've recommended it to friends, family, and clients alike. I'm even currently helping my mom pick out a sofa.
However, I've found the customer service at the Eastern Shore Center in Alabama to be extremely disappointing--something I've never experienced or expected from Pottery Barn.
I just relocated to Fairhope, Alabama for my husband's job. We are a younger couple, and let's just say that we have some time to go before we can afford Pottery Barn to outfit our entire house. Even so, I know it's quality and decided that I wanted (without a doubt) the Cameron drapes for my breakfast area. So into the Pottery Barn at Eastern Shore I went.
Two older women walked in the store right before me. They were instantly greeted and assisted. I walked in with a baby on my hip and received not even a hello. The particular drapery panels I wanted were not on display so I wandered around for a while and could find no one to help me. Eventually I had to stand in line at the check-out counter and wait for two people to check out in front of me before I was able to ask for help.
After some assistance, I took home two different panels to see which one looked better. When I came in the store, the panels had 15% off sale signs up, and the associate who helped me (Maryann) told me to make sure and come back before closing to make my final purchase because it was the last day of the sale.
So I went home, hung up the two different panels, made a choice, came back to the store, and after being tossed around between associates, finally landed up front with the manager, Jeremy, who executed the return of my unwanted panel. Only someone did not relay the full intent of my visit, I suppose, because he just stood there after the one panel was returned, ignoring the fact that I was still standing there. Finally, I piped in that I needed 3 more panels. His mannerisms up until this point were less than friendly. But I gave him the benefit of the doubt. It was, after all, the end of the day.
He then informed me that the panels were not on sale, against what Maryann had previously told me and was indicated by the signs. His only reasoning for this was "oh well I guess we took down the signs late this morning." With all due respect, that is not my fault. That's false advertising, and should not fall on the disadvantage of the customer. If anything (because it was only 15% and I really didn't care all that much), he should have at least apologized for the false information, and that I drove all the way back to the store on the same day (with a baby, which I can assure you is no easy task) for nothing.
There were other exchanges between Jeremy and I that I thought he handled in a very poor fashion, but this is already turning into somewhat of novel, so I'll briefly say after I left that I wondered how he came into a position of management.
Back to these curtains--I had to order them (because they were out of stock) and they came in this week. Today, after a long day, I went in to pick them up. Surprisingly, I was greeted by the woman behind the desk, and I walked up and began to tell her that I was there to pick up some curtains I ordered. Here's what frustrated me the most so far about my treatment by the Pottery Barn staff: she cut me off mid-sentence, and in a less-than-friendly tone told me she'd be with me momentarily.
Let me say that before I worked as a designer, I worked in several positions where customer service was key. Interior design in itself is not only a field of design and human science, but also it is in a great deal customer service. I don't take that lightly. And if you are behind a desk, you are automatically the "manager of first impressions." You are there to assist, no matter how you became to be standing behind the desk. I wasn't on the phone with her, and she was not with another customer (at least there was no one else around). It is absolutely unacceptable to cut-off a customer mid-sentence.
I have never once played the designer card while shopping in home decor stores. I don't pass off a "I know more than you" attitude, and I love to bounce ideas off the staff of places like Pottery Barn because I know they have an eye for design as well. I look younger than I am, I dress simply, and yes, I came in with a baby on my hip (and in both our defenses I do not take her in stores if she is ill-mannered, she was nothing but pleasant the entire time; in fact, she received more attention than I did). I can see how to a Pottery Barn employee in wealthy Baldwin County, Alabama would not see me as a prime target for dropping thousands of dollars in-store. And they would be right. But I was there to spend money. And even if I wasn't, there is absolutely no reason I should have been treated the way I have been treated in that store. That stands for all who come through those doors. Even if a teenager comes in wearing jeans and a t-shirt, she deserves as much respect as anyone else (as long as she is respectful in return). Because you know what? She might go to college for interior design, graduate, work for several well-known designers, branch off on her own, and then walk into a Pottery Barn with a baby on her hip as a young designer who works from home to make ends meet while spending time with her family. Impressions should never be taken lightly, because you never know upon whom your impressions are falling.
You should know--whoever you are reading this--that I have not ever once (and I've had my fair share of bad customer service, just like anyone else) written in a complaint letter to anywhere. This is my first. Because my experience was that bad.
I brought home my Cameron 84" white pole pocket drapery panels, I will hang them up, and I will never go back into that Pottery Barn to spend money. Or likely another one for a very long time. So I don't want coupons, freebies, or even an apology. I want someone with some sort of knowledge on human decency and customer service to go into the Pottery Barn at the Eastern Shore Center in Alabama and give every one of those employees, from the manager onward, a full-course, day long lesson on how to treat customers.
Respectfully and with sincere hope of an impact,
Dana Portillo
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