5 months pregnant and already this baby is waking me up with all his or her moving around. i don't remember when it was apparent in my pregnancy with june, but we have begun to see movement from the outside. for several weeks the movements have been strong, but i feel like this baby has been so low down in my pelvis that it would be impossible to see--now that baby is bigger and my uterus is past my belly button, we have more of a viewing space.
one night i had just settled into bed and i reached over to grab my chapstick from my nightstand (a very normal, very usual movement that i make) when
"OW!" i cried out. my husband quickly reached over and asked what was wrong. "i don't know! i felt something!"
it felt as if i had leaned over on a stick, or like someone had taken their index finger and jammed me in the side. i also momentarily wondered if i had popped some important ligament thingy.
but no. just a baby. an active, strong-kicking baby.
maybe feeling more movement is typical for a second pregnancy, or maybe because i'm carrying 25 fewer pounds than last time? i don't know. but i definitely don't think june was that active in utero.
but speaking of an active june, we are impatiently waiting out the cold weather. as much as i don't mind pajama days inside with soup and blankets, she's clearly losing her mind. we had a warm snap for a few days over the weekend, and just her being outside was like someone had swapped her out for the cheery little girl i know and love. (we are also getting over the longest, most drawn out household winter crud, so i'm sure that has contributed to her moodiness. coughs, ear infections, and antibiotics are no one's friend.)
other than that, i'm enjoying the age of two, actually. despite being an intelligent toddler, she's been slower than some with her vocabulary. she's very rapidly putting together phrases, and having much more success in copying words. it's just one more thing adding to the amazing fact that she's her own person with her own thoughts. my husband and i find ourselves doing that super annoying parent thing where we go "did you hear that?" or we laugh at her short phrases, which to anyone else would warrant a "yeah, so?" but when you hear it for the first time from your own child's mouth--there's just something so cool about that.
and i discovered through reading the title of a book to her that she can identify a few alphabet letters. (pbs gets all the credit for this because i've certainly not spent time doing anything with the alphabet except sing it when we wash our hands).
there are parts of a growing mind that are fun, but also parts that are incredibly challenging. like my increasing awareness that it takes more than our standard, day-to-day aimless "let's just survive until daddy gets home" to keep her entertained, especially when the outdoors are out of the question. her activity level has to keep up with her brain development, and that's hard.
babies are so easy. you lay them down on a mat, or put them in a bouncy seat with some toys attached and that's their play time for the day. with toddlers you actually have to think and plan and use your own brain.
*SIGH*
i should make it known here that i hate planning and lists and schedules and chore charts and anything remotely related to all that stuff.
but i've reached what i feel like is a very pivotal point in motherhood where i have accepted to be the lord over that which i've been entrusted. (shout out to my friend lindsey who pointed me towards the podcast that led to this--and for those of you who've ever been in a big "what's next?" phase, let me highly recommend the "keeping watch" podcast from passion city church. it wasn't some big life changing message, but it helped me uncover what i knew was there all along, and to be confident in that. does that make any sense at all??) does that mean i beat myself up for a day that was spent mostly watching curious george? or when the house just gets increasingly post-natural disaster-looking? or when i have to tell my child "sorry baby, mama's working right now"? no. but it does mean i take more awareness in that. i'm trying to be a lot more proactive in our days.
and as much as i said above that i hate schedules, i kind of live on one, whether i like it or not. so some days i have to tell myself "it won't kill us to go do {insert activity} just because we didn't plan on it when we woke up." or just because i woke up with little sleep and in a bad mood doesn't mean i can't put that aside and think of a fun activity to do with my girl. i'm the lord over my days. and toddler's pick up on that.
i'll also say here that, despite it's rising popularity, right now we have no plans to home school. honestly the thought scares the living you-know-what out of me. that being said, it's not totally out of the question, either. sometimes i think God gives you scary things to conquer for a reason. but there's also a little thing called wisdom, and i have to be able to decide if putting my children's education in my own hands would be a good idea. ha! but whatever your thoughts on the matter, i've decided that having some sort of educational play is important if you're home with a child. its inevitable. our days are a lot less whine and tantrum-filled when i give her constructive play things. do we go collect and document leaf types and tape them on the wall? do i use the hashtag #montessoriathome? hahahaha. no. usually i just tell her to stuff some pipe cleaners through a colander. or play with a bowl of dry beans. i've even noticed, despite my curious george approval as an ok tv show, that things are more peaceful with the tv off. but i also work from home so some days tv is necessary to distract her for long enough for me to have a complete brain wave that's not revolved around cutting up hotdogs and finding a clean pair of tiny toddler underwear.
anyway, i have no thoughts to wrap this up into a cohesive piece of literature, so i'll just end here.
but with one little piece of encouragement first:
if you're a first time mom of a younger toddler, embrace 2! there is nothing more amazing than watching your child learn. their brain seems to make leaps and bounds at this age. it's fascinating. there will be tantrums, public meltdowns, days where you're sure you won the most points for public stares, days where you tell your husband (or friend, or whoever) with 100% certainty that you need a day off before you run away and never come back, days where you stuff your face with zaxby's in a dark parking lot in silence, just to enjoy an entire meal without someone wanting part of it or needing something 5 times before you get a warm bite.
but it's totally worth it.
(and somewhere out there is a mom of 4 going "she doesn't even know yet!" and you're right. i don't. but you were the mom of only one child once, too. unless you had twins or multiples first. and then you're off the hook. for everything. carry on.)
