my baby is 6 months old...or 6 months new if you think about it. she is my first. and this is all still very new. with having a child, not only does your baby have a lot of firsts, but as parents, we do too! first loonnnggg car trip with a baby, first time going shopping and looking for items based on the fact you can nurse in them, first time i'm more concerned about someone else's skin more than my own when we're in the sun. lots of firsts. lots of newness.
here are some of the things i've observed about the newness of having a 6 month old:
relationships: when you have a child, your relationship with everyone changes, whether intentional or not. without knowing it, i have re-defined my relationship with people based on how they are as a mother themselves OR how they treat and respect me as a mother. and without knowing it, they've probably re-defined their relationship with me as a new mom. it's hard to explain, but i think it happens with everyone.
identity: i've gotten several reminders (before and after having a baby) that it's important to remember who you are as a woman and wife before who you are as a mother. i don't deny this fact. i know my children will one day fly the coop and i'll be left with my silly goober of a husband who will only become more of a goober when he's old. i know it's important to maintain that, even though i probably fail at it daily (but honestly it's hard when you are the mother of a baby and also breastfeed--there are literally certain things you are obligated to stop and do, no matter what). but what i also know is that i was designed to do this. i know God called me to be a mother. if you have known me a while or kept up with me recently, you may be aware that i change jobs like i change clothes. it hasn't been intentional--it just works out that way. i don't feel like i have one area of expertise that i'm passionate about, and i'll admit i have felt slightly flawed when i couldn't come up with even one thing that i had passion for when people would ask. but i am deeply passionate about being a mom. i research everything, i identify well with other moms, i love reaching out to new moms (and love facebook for that reason), and i deeply love the little person my husband and i have created. i am not a stay-at-home mom, but those of you who think it is not a real profession are delusional. it's probably one of the most real professions out there, because they are 100% committed to our up-coming generation. i'm still working out my mom-life balance but is a challenge i'm blessed to face.
the cage rattler: there's no polite way to say this so i'm just going to say it. i think male child psychologists are a load of bs. i have never considered myself to be a hard-core feminist, and i think there are tons of award-winning single dads that exist. i also am grateful daily that i don't walk this road alone. i often think to myself that i would literally go insane if it weren't for the help of my husband sometimes. i would be worn out, ragged, my grass would be at eye level, and i'd probably wear barf-covered jeans to work. i literally don't know how single moms do it. that being said...there are things that a mother knows, feels, and intuitively acts on based on some part of the brain that i'm convinced only exists in women. i'm not saying fathers are inferior because i've also known cases where the father is the sane parent in the home. but until you've been inside the mind of a mom, there's no way any man can preach to me on how to raise my child on any sort of professional level. it's just not happening. i might be wrong. i might be stubborn and ignorant. but that's just how it is.
and more about breastfeeding: no secret. i'm pro-breastfeeding. i've mentioned it before. it's not always the easy option, that's for sure. one reason is it's not so easy to plan an outing. you have to either pump ahead of time to have enough bottles, plan to breastfeed wherever and whenever, or to be back before your baby is hungry. sticking to a no formula rule may sound absurd to some, but i am firmly planted in what i want for my child....and begin tangent:
and you know, i should feel confident in that. i really do get tired of all the opinions. it's probably easy to tell that i have my own opinions, but i'm not going to stand around in a circle of moms and make comments about how i mother my child in a way that makes someone else look inferior. our job as moms is to make each other feel confident in our decisions and to know that the only "right way" is the way that works for your family. i mean, it's not like one way of parenting is like bringing up a child to be a serial killer. as long as we love and spend time with our children, it shouldn't matter when we start them on solids, or how soon they're potty trained, or how long they sleep in the bed with us, or if they spend too much time with mom. in general, i don't think kids spend enough time with their moms. i may not always agree with someone's parenting techniques, so you know what i do? i slap on my sweet southern manners, keep my mouth shut, and give them the respect they deserve as a mom facing today's (and yesterday's and tomorrow's) challenges exactly the same way i do.
...end tangent.
so i may not be able to enjoy an impromptu night out, but i am totally ok with that. especially because right now my baby is extra snuggly and will rest her head on my chest, fully awake, for a pretty good amount of time. and there is nothing you can tempt me with that would make me want to give that up. right now, life is good, my baby is easy, and i don't require a "much needed break." when she's a toddler, i'll take up that offer, especially when she's not physically attached to my body.
snuggles: see above. absolutely the best. there was a time when my baby would be content with anyone. and mostly, she still is. but sometimes she gets cranky and she just needs her mama or daddy. and that's ok with me. i already have the kid in daycare, so you can't pull the whole socialization card. sometimes a baby just needs her parents.
emotions: i've never considered myself to be an emotional person. but the mother-child bond and the growth process create a wreck in me sometimes. example: i was at a restaurant, enjoying pizza with my family, when a friend of my husband joined us with her four children (sidenote: the single mom thing i mentioned before--this lady is one of them--not only does she have four kids, but they are well-behaved and she also has time to maintain a killer body). they all took turns holding my daughter and playing with her when suddenly the youngest of her children became very upset and emotional, crying for apparently no reason. when she was finally able to express the reason for her upset, she cried something into her mom's chest, and her mom said back "what?! i don't like that baby more than i like you! you are my baby!! i LOVE you. and i will always love you." i shoved a piece of delicious pizza in my mouth to help choke back the flood of emotion that overcame me. to most it might have seemed like just a mom dealing with a crying child. but up close it was a tender moment between a mother and her youngest daughter. what a great mom she was to express that to her, and to know that her daughter didn't need disciplinary action, or a "come on, you're being ridiculous, quit crying." she knew that she needed to hear that she was loved, and that she was still her baby. there is a time for tough love and a time for tender love. i can only hope to have that kind of discernment with my children. eat that, male child psychologist.
that is all. for now.
