the day is almost here. i officially have 2 days until my due date. and i have to say i'm a little surprised. i really didn't think i'd make it this long. just about everyone (including me) thought this little guy/girl was coming early. and i guess technically i still have time to be "early" but now i'm starting to wonder if i'll be late. ?!
i've had several bouts of "false labor" where for about 2 or so hours i'll have semi-regular and somewhat painful contractions. tummy as hard as a rock, back ache, lower belly cramps--all of what people say the onset of labor feels like. and then it passes. when the time actually comes, i may not even know i'm in true labor. it will be like "the boy that cried wolf," only more like "the baby who cried 'i want out!' "
i don't know if it's that i'm physically ready for this baby to be here, because i still feel really good. minus the whole peeing five times a night deal, i'm actually sleeping better at night (well most nights anyway). i think more of the mental approach of my due date, coupled with the transformation my house has made into a baby haven, have both made it extremely hard to accept that it could still be two weeks before this rascal is here. two weeks...ugh.
my nesting has reached out of control proportions. i've done almost everything imagineable. the only thing stopping me from vacuuming (again) and waxing my wood floors is knowing that i have to be on full alert at work still. because when the weekends come around, i have no fears of exhausting myself. and i have. last sunday i vacuumed and wiped down all my baseboards, mopped all the floors, cleaned all the blinds and window sills, dusted everything, magic-erasered the walls and door frames, and did 4 loads of laundry (one including my final load of baby items). by 3pm i was quite regretful of all this. i wanted to saw my legs off at the waist, they hurt so bad. i've also roamed the halls at 3am thinking of ways to reconfigure my kitchen eat-in area, and i've stood in the nursery at 12am wondering what else i could fold or hang or wash...
annnd, slowly but surely the "nursery" is almost finally complete! here are some poor-quality phone photos for your enjoyment:
that orange 1880s french chair is named "charlotte" and she's one of my prized possessions. she is not a nursery chair per se, but she looks good there...and i don't have another chair that fits in there. there is, after all, still a queen bed, night stand, and dresser crammed into the room. oh, and a cute book shelf (not pictured) with baby books and stuffed animals that we've been gifted.
thanks to my sweet friend, anna, who's baby shower decorations all have been hung, or will be hung, in my nursery. it was so great not having to spend time deciding what to put on the walls! and she is so crafty!
that bunny is the bunny from the book "goodnight moon" and he just so happens to match my crib bedding perfectly!
i'm quite happy with how it all turned out :)
on another note, i'm also ready to have this baby so i can meet the person i've been carrying around for nine months! that's right, i said person. a living individual, created by God, being formed into a baby from the time of conception. besides what i'm told, i know this to be true because of how connected i am to what's inside me. from the very beginning of my pregnancy, i've been sensitized to certain things in life--not because of pregnancy, but because of the person i'm carrying and who this baby will be. i'm certain of it. i can't explain it. it just is.
that being said, i feel like the person that our baby will be (whether boy or girl) carries a lot of my husband's traits, and most of all, the heart he has for people. he finds compassion within him that makes me look cold-hearted. sometimes i comically say "his heart is bigger than his brain" because, well, sometimes it is. i would much sooner tell a drug addict to get the you-know-what off my porch before i let them borrow my phone. i can be kind or generous when i don't feel like it, but it is a learned behavior. i have to remind myself that i am called to be these things. for him it comes naturally.
bringing a child into this world will not be an easy task. sometimes i look down at my belly and say "i'm sorry, baby, for what this world has for you" because it is ever-changing and there are so many dark things that will fight for my child. it's hard to prepare for that. but somehow, i know my child has that nearly-stupid love for people in him. it may take a while for him to find it, but it's there. and the reason i say "him" is because i've been 90% sure since i found out that i was pregnant that my baby is a boy. and because of how much my baby will be like his dad. so even if it is a girl, she will be like her dad in that aspect...we just don't have a name for her!
so, no, we still don't have a girl name. we have a handful of names that we like, so i suppose if they surprise me and say "it's a girl!" and then they said "no really, she's a girl" after i tell them to check again, we'll have a tough decision to make! if she is a girl, hopefully i'll know when i see her!
so come on out, baby! we're ready for you. in every way possible.
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