for the sake of not sounding opinionated or agenda-minded in a post, this one is just about my personal beliefs. the things that get me through the day.
there are books about it, movies, theories, etc--we all have an idea of what we think an "afterlife" is like. i believe heaven is a real place, because the bible tells me it's real. does it say there is a cloud-like mist everywhere, and that there's a perpetual white backdrop, and everyone walks around with glowing skin in white robes? no. it doesn't get that specific. so i guess we're all left up to our own ideas of what it's like.
one thing that i associate with heaven is "the list."
the list is my on-going compilation of who will be at my welcoming party when i die and arrive to the "pearly gates." i like to think that there will be a big huge gathering of everyone who has made a difference in my life, all gathered around to usher me in, before i meet the Big Cheese. like a hundred high-fives before you go in for the interview. know what i'm sayin?
the list is divided into two categories: the people who i assume will go before me, and those who have already left this world and are dancing in the glory of our Father.
yesterday, the latter part of that list grew by one person.
derrell jenkins left our world after a long battle with cancer.
derrell and i were not best friends, not even close friends. we haven't spoken in probably a year. we met when i joined the nabard kung fu academy about 5 years ago. i remember thinking "what's up with that dude in the back, and why does he move so slow but sweat so much?" then he stopped coming for a little while. and it was then i learned who derrell was. derrell, not much older than myself, had been diagnosed with lung cancer and was in the middle of chemo therapy. he moved slowly because he kept a bag of the fluids draining from his body on the inside of his uniform.
then for a little while i passed him coming to class just as he was leaving. i remember asking master (our teacher) how derrell was doing one day. he said "not good. the cancer is all in his body." i couldn't believe it. he looked so healthy. like an entirely different person than the guy i met on my first day of class.
then our classes lined up and i was there when derrell was there. shortly after that, i found out it was because derrell came to every class. he was the first one there every morning. he drove from milton to get to class at 5:30 am. some mornings i didn't show up because i was tired, or because 4:45 came too soon, or because i was afraid of how sore i was going to be, or that i couldn't make it through another 90 degree, no a/c, 2 layers of clothes, toughest work-out of my life. seriously, i would dare a cross-fit loyal to come to class. and i don't say this to make me sound like a bad-ass. because i wasn't. i say it to make you realize just how tough derrell was. he sometimes came to class three times a day. when he had cancer. and i couldn't drive 10 minutes as a perfectly healthy person, three times a week.
on top of that, derrell was absolutely the most positive person in that academy. he was quick-witted, funny, and up-beat. every day. the days he didn't show up, i prayed he was ok. and on those days it was much harder to make it through an hour of grueling work. he joked with master, lightened the mood, and was the most beautifully open person when it came to his faith.
many people identify themselves as christian. but only a handful of people i've met truly embody what it means to love God, love people, and live boldly. derrell loved God, loved people, and was thankful every. single. day. and he let you know it, too. he mastered the method of sharing his faith in a way that didn't make people uncomfortable. he wasn't a "christian weirdo," he was a normal guy. every day he asked me how i was doing, asked how my job was, remembered little things about me--and all the while i would think "why does he care how i'm doing--he has cancer! i should be asking how he's doing!" master was not a person of faith. he joked that he told people who wanted to "save him" that he didn't need saving. he said "maybe i wanna go a hell." but i think derrell and master were very close friends. you would have to be, spending so much time together. i saw the impact derrell had on master--i saw the impact derrell had on everyone.
half the time people don't take me seriously when i talk about how i used to be a part of the kung fu academy. i haven't been since before i got pregnant. and i'd be lying if i said i didn't miss it. i don't miss the early hours, or how much pain that man put me through, but i miss belonging to something like that. it was like being part of a family (that just so happened to whip you into shape while you were there).
and today i know that family is hurting with the loss of derrell. for a while i believed that derrell looked so healthy because maybe God was healing him. i thought "why would God want someone with such a beautiful purpose to die? look at all the good he is doing on earth for His kingdom!" and only a few days ago he was hospitalized. and now he is gone. it is hard for me to understand, and probably harder for others. but i know that derrell completed his purpose. and that he got a "job well done" from the Big Cheese.
i mourn the loss of derrell not because of our relationship (or lack thereof), but because of the person he was. the world looks bleak without someone like derrell in it. although i do think his life will still impact people. i know it will. you only have to take a look at his facebook page to see how many people he impacted. it is overwhelming.
and now i can add derrell to the list. i'm blessed to have met him, and i can't wait to see him again.
