today i am over 13 weeks and officially in my second trimester. woohoo! i welcome it with open arms and look forward to the time we'll spend together.
what's different so far? my appetite is back. i have eaten eggs (in mixtures) 3 times now. i don't feel sick unless i don't eat. and the exhaustion is wearing away. i met a pregnant girl not long ago who told me her second trimester gave her so much energy that she got 2 more jobs. what?! i can't imagine that, but i'd like a bit of that energy. i still nap some evenings after work. and i'm pretty into hot fudge sundaes.
my tummy looks like it's actually gotten smaller...although part of me thinks the initial pooch was just gas. very real possibility, folks. but maternity pants = awesome. kinda like wearing yoga pants that look like real pants. and no one knows. i'm secretly way more comfortable than i look.
i'm working on learning to sleep on my side (not easy) and trying to eat more fruits and veggies now that i feel like eating. i need to get back on my green smoothie thing.
we also got to hear the heartbeat of our baby for about 5 very faint seconds. the hubs tried to record it on my phone but it didn't work. the doctor said "yeah don't play that for anyone. they're gonna be like 'i don't hear it. you're not even pregnant. stop trying to get out of things.' " he's funny. we like him.
also. the business of being born. watched that. informative. had a minor freak-out. let's just say our "birth plan" is subject to change.
still think it's a boy. everyone around me calls the baby "he." i'm sorry little baby if you are a girl. please don't develop a complex. we love you either way.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
an update of sorts
well. there are no updates on the bathroom. mostly it's just empty minus the stripped shower, the toilet, and the washer/dryer. it smells funny, too.
but, it's the least of my worries, currently. want to know why?
we're having a baby!
and we are thrilled! i meant to start a scrapbook of sorts to journal the stages of pregnancy, but that hasn't happened so far (i'm a little over 11 weeks today) for multiple reasons: first of fear. secondly, pregnancy is exhausting--i mostly work and sleep...and try to eat. and also i suppose i just don't realize how quickly this will pass. i will never be pregnant for the first time ever again.
so here is where i start. but first a recap:
i knew before i peed on the thing that i was pregnant. the way my husband and i found out was not exciting or magical. it actually happened surrounding a big fight. i (like a girl) decided to drop hints about pregnancy just to feel him out. and he (like a guy) made an insensitive remark, and i (like a girl) peed on the thing, and left it on the kitchen table for him to find when he got home. and after we fought and then made up, we got to share in our excitement and he got to tell me how sweaty his palms had been. maybe if i'd been a little more direct and he'd been a little less thick-skulled, we could have watch the very dark "you're preggo" line appear on the stick together. oh well! it's over and now we're just excited.
no, we did not plan our pregnancy. yes, we wanted to wait. we've been married a little over 8 months, we're broke, we don't own our house, we don't have a 4 door car, we don't have stable or well-paying jobs, and we live far from my family (an hour from his though, thank goodness). and the fact that we're newlyweds just compounds all of that (if you're married, you know).
but, obviously this was planned by God, even if it wasn't planned by us. and even in our fear we are overwhelmed by the support and excitement of our friends. we are accepting the blessing and trying to move forward with some sort of confidence that this will be a major source of joy in our life.
and let me tell you something--no amount of planning can prepare you for the very real emotion of knowing you're responsible for a life. all the other times i've thought i might have been pregnant were wide-eyed and childlike in excitement. but when i actually knew--when i actually felt it in my body--a wave of emotion overcame by body. as i've repeated many times, i remember standing numb in the shower one morning, not able to think any rational thought except for "this is real. it's really happening."
after that, the first emotion i was able to put together was a shocked sort of gratitude. as a twenty-something female, i am very aware of the fact that it is not always easy to get pregnant. in fact, at my last doctor's visit, my doctor told me that i had a very high chance of having endometriosis and that pregnancy was my best option--not only to slow the process, but to have children while i still could. well, we followed doctor's orders i guess! but i never thought getting pregnant would be so easy. i never thought, that with all the waiting and...well...frankly, having to work very hard for the things want in life, that getting a child would be something God would just hand over to me unexpectedly. i feel undeserving and greatly humbled.
but onto the nitty gritty.
how have i felt? ok. very very tired. sick to my stomach a lot (only threw up once though). early on i really liked french fries. and i totally get the pickles and ice cream thing. not together (ew), but something about the vinegar in pickles eases digestion (which i'm learning is very important in pregnancy), and ice cream just sounds good because it's cold. things i never thought i could hate, like macaroni and cheese, baked potatoes, and coffee--all sound disgusting. coffee smells like old dirt. and i don't even want to think about eggs. i eat multigrain cheerios almost every morning. with blueberries. sweets and fatty foods make me the most ill. i can eat peanut butter all the time, but pb&j's are not a good idea.
about 2 weeks ago i noticed the lower part of my stomach feeling hard. like it did when i exercised a lot and it wasn't as mushy down there! just this past week (so around 10 weeks), i started not fitting in my pants. it happened so fast! one day they fit, the next they didn't. i can still button most, but it's very uncomfortable. i've invested in belly bands, and stretchy waist-band pants. this past weekend my mom came and bought me a lot of maternity clothes. shopping for maternity clothing is not nearly exciting as you'd think. i know the "big" part of me will be my belly, but putting on giant clothes so that i can grow into them is almost like buying clothes 4 sizes too big and trying to imagine yourself fitting in them. not easy.
this week the nausea has gotten significantly better, but i haven't gotten over just not wanting to eat anything in general. deciding on dinner is not an easy task. if i can convince myself to sit down and eat a well balanced meal, i usually feel better afterwards. i also can't eat as much as i normally could (which was an embarrassing amount--italians have an extra stomach for carbs). i'm probably learning proper portion sizes.
i've lost 4 lbs so far, but i hear this is not uncommon in the first trimester. once i feel like eating again i should be on track for my weight gain. and just in the past few days my face has started breaking out like a teenager.
and at 11 weeks my baby is the size of a fig! he/she has fingernails and eyelids and can kick and move his/her individual fingers and toes. my mama says when i first start to feel the movements it's like a butterfly in your stomach.
OH, also. my instinct tells me it's a boy, but pregnancy hormones have been known to be irrational, so who knows. i've also, nearly immediately after pregnancy, have had an immense burden on my heart for how much hatred there is in the world. it's very clear that we have 2 jobs while on earth: to love God and love people. and most of us can't even do that. and christians are in the rankings as some of the worst. so many times we rearrange that equation until somehow it equals "love God and love people who share the same beliefs as you." i don't know how to explain to my child how such a simple command is so easily ignored. i can't even log onto facebook without being disgusted at how people can treat each other. i don't know if the weight is preparing me to be a parent in the world we've created, or if somehow this will be a burden my child will also bear. because honestly, until now, it's never really occurred to me, not in such a heavy heart-breaking way. and because of this reason, if our child is a boy, we have the perfect name for him, that arrived to me one emotional morning in panera. i'll share that later on, since everyone that asks seems to have an opinion on how appropriate a certain name is or isn't. sorry--you don't. it's up to me and my husband. and yes, now i totally understand why some parents don't share their name choices until the baby is born and named.
if there is one thing i want my children to learn while growing up, it's that nothing gives us any excuse not to show love towards other people. no matter what they've done or how they live. against my human nature, i want to do my best not to talk about people in a negative way in front of my children that would cause them to have a negative disposition towards someone different from them. and i'm a firm believer that you're a far better teacher by your actions than what you say you believe. and hopefully by showing them that we still love them even when they screw up, somehow they can understand that God does the same with all of humanity. and that he asks the same of us. easier said than done, that's for dang sure, but we can at least try. as one of my old pastors said, "oh, christianity isn't deep enough for you? you want deep? love your enemy. that's deep!"
and as of now we're not finding out the sex if we can help it. as a family friend put it "there are far too few good surprises left in life." i don't think our baby will care if he/she is wearing the appropriate gender color. but as i've heard, digital imaging is pretty detailed these days so let's hope baby keeps his/her legs together enough not to spoil it for us :)
so here's where we are at week 11. moving onward. hoping God continues to prepare us for the immense task of raising a child in this life.
but, it's the least of my worries, currently. want to know why?
we're having a baby!
and we are thrilled! i meant to start a scrapbook of sorts to journal the stages of pregnancy, but that hasn't happened so far (i'm a little over 11 weeks today) for multiple reasons: first of fear. secondly, pregnancy is exhausting--i mostly work and sleep...and try to eat. and also i suppose i just don't realize how quickly this will pass. i will never be pregnant for the first time ever again.
so here is where i start. but first a recap:
i knew before i peed on the thing that i was pregnant. the way my husband and i found out was not exciting or magical. it actually happened surrounding a big fight. i (like a girl) decided to drop hints about pregnancy just to feel him out. and he (like a guy) made an insensitive remark, and i (like a girl) peed on the thing, and left it on the kitchen table for him to find when he got home. and after we fought and then made up, we got to share in our excitement and he got to tell me how sweaty his palms had been. maybe if i'd been a little more direct and he'd been a little less thick-skulled, we could have watch the very dark "you're preggo" line appear on the stick together. oh well! it's over and now we're just excited.
no, we did not plan our pregnancy. yes, we wanted to wait. we've been married a little over 8 months, we're broke, we don't own our house, we don't have a 4 door car, we don't have stable or well-paying jobs, and we live far from my family (an hour from his though, thank goodness). and the fact that we're newlyweds just compounds all of that (if you're married, you know).
but, obviously this was planned by God, even if it wasn't planned by us. and even in our fear we are overwhelmed by the support and excitement of our friends. we are accepting the blessing and trying to move forward with some sort of confidence that this will be a major source of joy in our life.
and let me tell you something--no amount of planning can prepare you for the very real emotion of knowing you're responsible for a life. all the other times i've thought i might have been pregnant were wide-eyed and childlike in excitement. but when i actually knew--when i actually felt it in my body--a wave of emotion overcame by body. as i've repeated many times, i remember standing numb in the shower one morning, not able to think any rational thought except for "this is real. it's really happening."
after that, the first emotion i was able to put together was a shocked sort of gratitude. as a twenty-something female, i am very aware of the fact that it is not always easy to get pregnant. in fact, at my last doctor's visit, my doctor told me that i had a very high chance of having endometriosis and that pregnancy was my best option--not only to slow the process, but to have children while i still could. well, we followed doctor's orders i guess! but i never thought getting pregnant would be so easy. i never thought, that with all the waiting and...well...frankly, having to work very hard for the things want in life, that getting a child would be something God would just hand over to me unexpectedly. i feel undeserving and greatly humbled.
but onto the nitty gritty.
how have i felt? ok. very very tired. sick to my stomach a lot (only threw up once though). early on i really liked french fries. and i totally get the pickles and ice cream thing. not together (ew), but something about the vinegar in pickles eases digestion (which i'm learning is very important in pregnancy), and ice cream just sounds good because it's cold. things i never thought i could hate, like macaroni and cheese, baked potatoes, and coffee--all sound disgusting. coffee smells like old dirt. and i don't even want to think about eggs. i eat multigrain cheerios almost every morning. with blueberries. sweets and fatty foods make me the most ill. i can eat peanut butter all the time, but pb&j's are not a good idea.
about 2 weeks ago i noticed the lower part of my stomach feeling hard. like it did when i exercised a lot and it wasn't as mushy down there! just this past week (so around 10 weeks), i started not fitting in my pants. it happened so fast! one day they fit, the next they didn't. i can still button most, but it's very uncomfortable. i've invested in belly bands, and stretchy waist-band pants. this past weekend my mom came and bought me a lot of maternity clothes. shopping for maternity clothing is not nearly exciting as you'd think. i know the "big" part of me will be my belly, but putting on giant clothes so that i can grow into them is almost like buying clothes 4 sizes too big and trying to imagine yourself fitting in them. not easy.
this week the nausea has gotten significantly better, but i haven't gotten over just not wanting to eat anything in general. deciding on dinner is not an easy task. if i can convince myself to sit down and eat a well balanced meal, i usually feel better afterwards. i also can't eat as much as i normally could (which was an embarrassing amount--italians have an extra stomach for carbs). i'm probably learning proper portion sizes.
i've lost 4 lbs so far, but i hear this is not uncommon in the first trimester. once i feel like eating again i should be on track for my weight gain. and just in the past few days my face has started breaking out like a teenager.
and at 11 weeks my baby is the size of a fig! he/she has fingernails and eyelids and can kick and move his/her individual fingers and toes. my mama says when i first start to feel the movements it's like a butterfly in your stomach.
OH, also. my instinct tells me it's a boy, but pregnancy hormones have been known to be irrational, so who knows. i've also, nearly immediately after pregnancy, have had an immense burden on my heart for how much hatred there is in the world. it's very clear that we have 2 jobs while on earth: to love God and love people. and most of us can't even do that. and christians are in the rankings as some of the worst. so many times we rearrange that equation until somehow it equals "love God and love people who share the same beliefs as you." i don't know how to explain to my child how such a simple command is so easily ignored. i can't even log onto facebook without being disgusted at how people can treat each other. i don't know if the weight is preparing me to be a parent in the world we've created, or if somehow this will be a burden my child will also bear. because honestly, until now, it's never really occurred to me, not in such a heavy heart-breaking way. and because of this reason, if our child is a boy, we have the perfect name for him, that arrived to me one emotional morning in panera. i'll share that later on, since everyone that asks seems to have an opinion on how appropriate a certain name is or isn't. sorry--you don't. it's up to me and my husband. and yes, now i totally understand why some parents don't share their name choices until the baby is born and named.
if there is one thing i want my children to learn while growing up, it's that nothing gives us any excuse not to show love towards other people. no matter what they've done or how they live. against my human nature, i want to do my best not to talk about people in a negative way in front of my children that would cause them to have a negative disposition towards someone different from them. and i'm a firm believer that you're a far better teacher by your actions than what you say you believe. and hopefully by showing them that we still love them even when they screw up, somehow they can understand that God does the same with all of humanity. and that he asks the same of us. easier said than done, that's for dang sure, but we can at least try. as one of my old pastors said, "oh, christianity isn't deep enough for you? you want deep? love your enemy. that's deep!"
and as of now we're not finding out the sex if we can help it. as a family friend put it "there are far too few good surprises left in life." i don't think our baby will care if he/she is wearing the appropriate gender color. but as i've heard, digital imaging is pretty detailed these days so let's hope baby keeps his/her legs together enough not to spoil it for us :)
so here's where we are at week 11. moving onward. hoping God continues to prepare us for the immense task of raising a child in this life.
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