our little night owl

so i'm in week 23 and i just really need to ask all the moms on "i didn't know i was pregnant" a question: how did you not feel that?! if i didn't know there was a baby inside of me, i'd for sure think it was an alien. in contrast to the beginning movements, i know this ain't gas!

last night i was awake (as i usually am during the baby's active times of the night) and felt some sort of limb move from one side of my belly to the other. not the usual jabs and punches. from my kung fu days i thought to myself "i think that was the elbow move from line one...yep, definitely the elbow."if it hadn't been dark in the room i'm sure i could have seen it.

but one thing is for sure, the night time movements are much bigger and more pronounced than the daytime flutters and squirms. i'm afraid we're going to have a night baby on our hands. especially considering how much time i spend just lying awake. something tells me my internal clock is being adjusted. bye-bye sleep! see ya in a few years!

there's not much else to report for the last couple of weeks, except that i seem to have grown a baby in a week. sometimes i walk past the mirror on the way to the shower in the mornings and do a double-take. i even googled "23 weeks pregnant" to see if i was a normal size compared to other women. i'm afraid so. i just don't have as much room. considering the baby already monopolizes every square inch of body cavity i have vertically, the only place for him or her to grow is out. just when i think "man, i'm really starting to look pregnant," then i start looking more pregnant. easy logic, i know. but when it's your body changing, it's very much a daily adjustment!

and that's pretty much it. no cravings, no mood swings. just normal me with a growing belly and an active night owl inside.

whoa baby!

21 weeks. time is flying!

lots of changes these days. like, for example, i'm sitting here trying to type a blog feeling like i just ate 5 lbs of pasta because baby has decided "hey! there's so much more room up here!" and has moved into my ribcage for the time being. where normally my lower belly is tight and round, it is now loose and deflated while my upper belly is quite round (and uncomfortable), unless i can convince little monks to move back down to where he/she is supposed to be.

i also feel like i finally look pregnant (in some clothes anyway). it's definitely that stage where people are starting to look at my belly and wonder. my sister's friend had a shirt that said "yes, i'm pregnant." i think i need that shirt.

i'm feeling kicks and turns and movements all the time now. what started as just a flutter here and there are now full-blown scheduled times of activity (right now i'm picturing the part in step-brothers where they bunk their beds and survey the room exclaiming "there's so much room for activities!"). for example i found myself wide awake at 2am a couple of nights ago, first hungry for a pb&j sandwich, and then returning to bed for probably the most movement i've felt so far. about a week ago i was finally able to feel the little movements on the outside of my belly, but i am lucky to catch them. but that night, all i had to do was rest my hand anywhere near my belly and that was enough to catch the choreography going on inside there. it was crazy! and even the hubs has gotten his hand over in time to feel a few bumps here and there.

i feel a lot of normalcy right now. no crazy emotions or cravings or anything like that. still a general tiredness from time to time, but not a "i can't get out of bed" exhaustion like the first trimester. i just usually think to myself how great a nap would be. i've gained 3 whole pounds, and for this i am very relieved. i admit there's a lot of vanity tied to that, because i've long had a great fear of what my body would do during pregnancy. i'm short, and already curvy. haven't considered myself "thin" since my early teens. i have little room in my body for a baby (and when i say this, i don't exaggerate--i just got back from my prenatal appointment on friday and was shown exactly where the top of my uterus is right now...i have four inches left--FOUR, people). and because of this i always feared i'd balloon up and be one of those women who gains tons of weight during pregnancy and is left with an unrecognizable body afterwards. i had pre-accepted the fact that i'd just be a beached whale as pregnant person. but i think i'm doing ok. i've read and heard that if the majority of your weight is gained towards the later half of pregnancy that you have a much better chance of returning to your normal weight pretty quickly after birth. now, don't get me wrong. i DON'T think these thoughts are healthy in anyway. nor do i judge other pregnant women by the way their bodies take shape during pregnancy because i've always thought pregnant women were beautiful. therefore, i realize that this points to an underlying issue of insecurity. but, dangit, right now i'm just happy that people are telling me i look great for once in my life! i'm living it up while i can!

so other than the fact that i sometimes feel like my legs are going to break off at the hip, i feel pretty good. no major problems. but dang, my hips really hurt sometimes! and i can't pinpoint exactly what it is. some sources say it could be sciatica, and some say it's your joints moving because your ligaments are more stretchy. whatever it is, i'll be glad when that part is over. i'm living for my heating pad most nights.

i also think i finally settled on a healthcare provider to deliver our baby. i didn't initially plan on switching, but i think we've made the best decision possible given our options. and i've learned a lot more about the birthing process since this all started. i just pray everything goes normally and without complication. i like to whisper our baby words of encouragement that usually involve the word "seven" and "little." i like to stay away from words like "nine" and "ten" and "big."

i also went to this giant mom-to-mom sale event thanks to a friend who gave up her ticket and got a lot of goodies for really great deals! one of them was a pretty sweet dinosaur onsie. it even has socks with "claws" on them. it is awesome. my husband and i have a thing for dinosaurs. and i was a dinosaur for my first halloween. super cute.

and i'll just leave you with that thought in your head since this has turned into a novel. and i'll try and get some pictures up soon of my growing (and moving) belly!

almost half way

well, i'm over 19 weeks. and we had an ultrasound last week! above is my favorite picture. it's not so skeleton-y and you can see the perfect facial profile. i'm a little obsessed with that cute little nose. the ultrasound lasted a long time (partially because i didn't want the torture of drinking as much water as they wanted me to before going in, and therefore they made me drink it when i got there). while there we got to see flips and rolls and waves and feet. it's such a reassurance, because even though it's pretty apparent that i'm pregnant, i don't feel a whole lot yet. seeing all that movement was like "all that's happening inside my body?!"

but i am starting to feel more! especially at night when i lay down, and in the morning when i really wake up and really have to teetee. i guess since my bladder is so full there is less room for baby and i can feel more?? i don't know. all i know is i like it! it's surprising how emotionally attached i am to someone i don't even know yet.

i've also come increasingly interested (perhaps mildly obsessed) with pregnancy, the birthing process, and early infancy. i want to know everyone's birthing story. i want to know what it was like when the moms in my life were pregnant. i want to know everything. and people aren't as willing to give up their experiences with me as i would have thought :) every time i see a pregnant woman i want to stop her and invite her over for coffee.

i've also become increasingly opinionated. this is no surprise. i don't claim to be a non-opinionated person. or a non-stubborn person. i don't surprise myself. but i understand the birthing process is something very personal, so for that reason i don't really like talking about it with people. first of all, i don't want to offend anyone. secondly, i understand (despite what everyone might think) that birth doesn't always go as planned. i know this! i promise i do! but i also think that there are a lot further measures you can go to in order to protect your birth plan. i've done so much research. watched a lot of videos. but i haven't experienced it yet, so that's why i'm still pretty private about it. i don't claim to be a pro! when baby arrives and i have time for blogging afterward, then i will divulge :)

i want to know though--is this normal? do pregnant women do this kind of research? or do they just go to the doctor, call the doctor when they're in labor, and go to the hospital and just have a baby the way everyone around them says it should be done? i think it's vitally important to not only know your body and what it's capable of, but to also know the process and know your options. it's never a bad thing to do research and i don't think you can be over-prepared for such a life-defining moment. i've even had fathers tell me that the absolute best moment of their life was seeing their children arrive into the world. wouldn't you want that to be as special as possible? (somewhere someone is going "yes, but safe and special"--i know, i get it.)

ok i'm done.

also. h&m has maternity clothes. and i bought myself a pair of skinny maternity mint jeans. oh yes i did!