desiderata

life takes you on so many strange paths.

one of those strange paths is the one that brought me to the following piece of literature, written on the back of a drapery card from carnegie (i am now working at the same firm that i moved to pensacola to work for nearly 4 years ago--either life is strange or this town is too small...but i think it's both).

back to my story. here i am, sorting through fabric cards and i happen to flip over the back of a certain privacy fabric and found, written on the back, the following work, called "desiderata". it reads:

go placidly amongst the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. as far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant they too have their story. avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit. if you compare yourself with others, you may become bitter or vain, for there will always be greater and lesser persons than yourself. enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. but let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. be yourself. especially, do not fein affection. neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass. take kindly the counsel of years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. but do not distress yourself with imaginings. many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. you are a child of the universe, no less than the tress and the stars; you have a right to be here. and whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. with all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. be cheerful. strive to be happy.

-1927, max ehrmann


to whoever decided to print that on the back of "affirmation II"--i'm curious if you ever knew what a reaction that decision would cause. to me it was much more than just a "hey look at this." it was a tiny ounce of clarity amidst the confusion of my life right now.

home

welcome to historic pensacola. and welcome to my new home!

for a while the future mister and i (nine more days!) tried to find a house to buy. after a year of emotionally exhausting let-downs, we knew we needed some place to live when we got married. and low and behold (thanks to a friend/neighbor) we found this place to rent. the price is great. the neighborhood is great. it is perfect for what we need. 

let me introduce you to some of my favorite things about it:

the original 15-pane front door. with nautical lights. 

a big front porch. a perfect front porch facing south, with a porch swing (a wedding gift from the hub's work).

a gas fireplace! something weird is going on with the flue, but we're willing to pay a chimney sweep to come out and take a look at it and get it working so we can curl up on the cold nights (all 30 of them).

glass door knobs

there's even a one single milk glass door knob on the guest bath closet. it's my favorite.

original hexagon ceramic tile in the bath (i've spent a lot of time cleaning the cat pee smell out of this tile--think i finally got it out).

beautiful, and mostly in good shape original 2" oak plank floors

wide mouldings

clever little storage spots, like this built-in in the eat-in kitchen (i apologize for my clutter showing--not everything has found it's place quite yet)

gas stove. with this one thing, i am a happy HAPPY woman. i am a total natural gas snob.

full use of storage space! no kitchen cabinets that stop short and gather dust. i'm telling you, the old architects knew how to do it best--why these new guys ever thought to change things up i'll never know.

original cast-iron pedestal sink

original-looking light fixture (i don't know if it is or not, but i'll pretend it is)

and there ya have it! once everything gets in order i'll start posting pics of the spaces as they're planned out. considering our budget (or lack thereof) that might take some time. hoping the wedding money will help with that. the guest room is what i'm most excited about. 

i'm settling in quite nicely. a few nights ago i had some creepy dreams and trouble sleeping, but some sweet sweet friends of ours agreed to come over after we had dinner and pray over the house with us and anoint the door ways. it was such a blessing. that night i slept well, with no bad dreams and a smile on my face. there is one owner of this house and that is God. and he is SO much more powerful than any yucky stuff. for that i am so thankful. and that part is definitely my favorite feature!

"for i know the plans i have for you" says the Lord

you hear the phrase "stepping out in faith" so many times.  but you never know what that actually feels like until you do it.  i heard a quote this week that said "where your comfort zone ends is where your life begins," which i think, sums it up pretty well: being completely out of your comfort zone, but knowing it can only lead to good things.

God never asks us to do simple things. he never asks us to do easy things. he also never asks us to do things that would seem possible by our own standards. all the memorable stories in the bible are memorable for one reason: God used an unlikely candidate to do something that would otherwise [without God] be impossible. HE MAKES THE IMPOSSIBLE POSSIBLE.

i had consulted God for a long time on a decision, and moved towards the decision i felt like he gave me. but when the constraints of the world came into play, i realized that it was IMPOSSIBLE to do what i felt like he was calling me to do. so i said no, left the dream, and took control of my own life.

but do you know what is SO amazing? although i stopped consulting him, although i did not go to him, he came to me!! he used nearly every method possible to tell me "turn around girl, you had it right the first time."  after a couple of days of complete strangers nearly making me cry with their words of wisdom, i had enough. i don't have enough fingers to count how many ways he used to tell me i had it right all along. far beyond coincidence. much deeper than happenstance.

God gave me the first night of a full 8 hours of sleep in weeks, and i woke up with one thought in my head: do the thing you know you have to do. it is done. and when my sweet, sweet fiance arrived and saw the look of anxiousness on my face, he knew as well. and i, as the future wife God has called me to be, knew the final decision rested in his hands. and you know what he told me? to move forward. to do what we had earlier decided was impossible.

and i did it. meekness is not something that comes easy to me, but i knew that meekness was something that i needed to successfully move on from where i was, to the next chapter of my life. and it just so happens that i have studied meekness not once, but twice in the last month or so. and you know what? i may not have been the prime example of meekness, but i think i did a pretty dang good job. especially for me.

and now, my new life begins.

the fear i had this morning is gone, i have had so much positive encouragement, and i know that things will be ok. no matter what happens.

today i have much to be thankful for. first of all and most importantly i am SO THANKFUL that i have a God and Savior who makes all things POSSIBLE. a God who loves me, has plans for me, and cares for me like a true father. i am humbled beyond belief. i do know know where i would be without him. i cannot imagine a life knowing i would have to make such huge decisions without a divine caretaker to back me up and to make a path for me. a wonderful provider, the most beautiful designer and loving father. what is it that i am, as a person, that i deserve someone who is SO faithful to me, when i am not faithful to him? and the answer is nothing. i have done nothing. it is simply because i am HIS.

i am also thankful that he has provided for me a WONDERFUL husband. people have little faith in marriage these days. i don't assume to be an expert in marriage. and both he and i have witnessed failed marriages. but i cannot think of a better place to start with him than right here, in unison with God and his plans for us.

pray for us, friends. pray that those who doubt us will not plant a seed of fear in our hearts. pray that those who wish us failure would not create a resentment in our marriage. and pray that we continue to seek and RUN after God and the plans he has made for us. because he wishes us good, not harm.

after all, if God is for us, who can be against us??

the world needs more of this guy!

so funny. it cheers me up on dreary days like this.

updates anyone?

i have started at least 2 blogs that still remain in draft-stage. they may never get published. and i just realized it's been a month since my last post, so i suppose for my large reader audience i need some updates.

first of all, 3 weeks from today i become the misses of the best mister i know. so excited! and SO ready to be done with it.



i moved into a new house (pictures to come). it is only a rental. my brain is taking a break from the buyers market for now. buying a house seems like it should be a lot easier than it has been for us. i'm just going to wait on God and let him decide when the time is best. until then we found a great little rental. it's in a great neighborhood (with friends right down the street!), it's close to everything, and the best part is it's old! how i love an old house. and it's walking/biking distance to all of our necessities. when the mister moves in he can walk to work. we are also a 10 minutes walk to the bay and a great little breakfast place with beautiful bay views.

life is good. i just wish we were married already! my least favorite part is when the mister has to go home at night and leaves me in that big old (half unpacked with boxes everywhere) house. i'm ready to share it!

also tonight is the gala for soco marketplace, a hosting website created by some folks i know, created to host companies that give back to the community. and my very own mission type co will be a part of it! i'm so excited. it will be a crucial part to some very big changes coming up for me! and i'm so glad to see soco get off the ground and running. i know it will be great, even if i don't get anything out of it.

i'm a little teapot

in my recent trip to fairhope, alabama, i ran into my favorite antique store after lunch and saw this teapot. it wasn't even priced yet, but i bought it immediately. the teapot fits neatly inside a big teacup! which is speculated to be used either to drink from or to put a tad of boiling water in to keep your tea hot. who knows? all i know is i like it. and it's auburn orange, so i nestled it among the rest of my auburn memorabilia, just in time for football season.

it cheered me up.

another thing that cheers me up: puppies.

here's a couple of things about me:

1. i love weiner dogs. LOVE them. they're my fav and i've always grown up with them

2. i hate pet stores that sell dogs. HATE them. because they usually come from puppy mills and are severly inbred and severly unhealthy. and, come on, they spend their puppyhood in crates and cages. not cool. for this reason i normally boycot pet stores with puppies.

3. i live next door to one of these particular pet stores. and i only go in it because i have a friend who is the caretaker for the puppies. and because i know and trust her, trust the treatment of these puppies only enough that i will go in and i will look at them. occassionally i still get sad, but it is my guilty pleasure.

so the other day i ran in for dog food and this little girl was staring me in the face from the minute i came inside. i darted to the puppies, cooed and baby-talked and made weird faces at her until an associate came up to me and asked if i wanted to play with her. i think i just squeaked. the husband-to-be interpreted for me and said "yes."

so we played with her. she was adorable and not-so-inbred-looking. she was also really hyper. i loved her for a brief moment in time. then we found out she was $1200. what are these people thinking?! then i had to end my love affair and walked away sad. but it was fun while it lasted.

side note: DO NOT pay this much for a weiner dog. i got mine for $200 and she grew up roaming green pastures, until i took her home and she was mine. my other one i also got for $200. except she came from a meth house and i adopter her through a rescue agency. so i can't help where she came from, but i can help where she is now. they are the best dogs ever and they cheer me up just as much as a tiny puppy.

tell me about it

i stumbled upon this today:

¹³ Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” ¹⁴ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. ¹⁵ Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” ¹⁶ As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. ¹⁷ If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.

James 4:13-17

tell me about it. we spend our whole lives...planning our whole lives. and it. is. exhausting. i'm taking a break.